Thursday, March 8, 2012

Not A Single Boob Joke

[I actually wrote this entry at approximately 4:15 AM Wednesday morning. It was the first day I'd had espresso in nearly a week. You totally can't tell, can you?]

Wayyyyyyy too much positivity around here. Let's get into hate.



oh god I hate making no foam drinks. So much. So much so much so much. Especially during a rush. Did you know we aren't even supposed to use our spoons anymore? Our newfangled standardized pitchers are designed for optimal, even steaming of milk. They're the pitcher engineering equivalent of the vortex bottle, a solution to a problem you didn't even know you had.

But then you come in and you order your venti soy extra pumps extra hot no foam chai and suddenly all that engineering goes right to hell, right to the lowest level of hell, and we're scrambling to aerate the soy milk just enough to avoid that jet-engine scream you hear when you steam milk without aerating it, and we can't keep sequencing pitchers because we have to focus on yours and of course there's still foam because it's freaking soy milk, the foamiest of all milks, and then you fill it with bubbly, foamy chai syrup, and OH MY GOD WHY DO YOU CARE ABOUT THE FOAM?! WHY?! WHYYYYYY---

Kidding! Kidding. I don't mind no foam drinks. As long as you're nice about asking for them. And as long as there's no major line. And as long as you're not ordering soy, or chai, or (I swear to god a customer asked for this once) a cappuccino.

You also have people who go to the opposite end of the spectrum: all foam. Like, twenty ounces of pure straight up foam. I had a wonderful customer who ordered this all the time in the suburbs. Sweet woman, late forties, and she loved whole milk all foam hot chocolate. Which is easy, because it's whole milk. But then you've got people who order bone dry nonfat milk cappuccinos, and if there's a hint of moisture in the whole damn cup they look at you like you resurrected Jesus just to kill him again.

Oooh! Which episode? Did it have Toph? She was the best character. Well, no, every single character in that show is the best character. Even the cabbage merchant. No, especially the cabbage merchant. 

Ahhh, gotta love the good old Lmpire. Sure they were brutal from time to time, but man, from the Mpire onward it was straight downhill.
I stayed at a Japanese hostel once. It had:
1) Communal showers
2) Passive-aggressiveness

Man, the more I think about it, the more I realize I got shafted on the Cute Animals front when I traveled Asia.

Except for that one short-tailed cat that followed me to the train station every day. That little guy was cool. Not as cool as a luck dragon, but still!

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