Sunday, June 3, 2012

I Truly Miss Vivannos

You know, I just realized the other day--I haven't been inside a Starbucks since leaving good ol' MoonDollars. I did get a three pump two shot one hundred twenty degree skinny vanilla latte once, but it was in an airport, so it was a franchise, so it doesn't really count (my apologies to the truly nice staff, who are undoubtedly the most kicked around coffee servers in existence). I've been working my desk job since April 1st, so that's just over two months without revisiting my old stomping grounds.

Two months without crabby ladies demanding free refills on tea they drank at another store six hours ago. Sixty days without vacationers telling me I will pay for my insolence. Eight weeks without friendly regulars rolling their eyes at all the assholes while I discreetly discount their drinks. I thought it was just coincidence, but I walked past one of my old stores the other day, saw the rush, and could not. Go. In. Seriously needed coffee! But I just couldn't do it. I wonder if walking into the worst place in the world would induce flashbacks.

Now I down Pibb Zero by the crateload. And when I do drink coffee, it's, well...

From a Keurig. No human element whatsoever. A thousand barista ghosts are watching me with disgust, waiting for my demise that they might throw me upon God's espresso bar and blast me with their steam wands until Judgement Day and trumpets sound. "Sellout!" They'll howl. "Traitor!"

Looking at that last paragraph, I worry about my sleep schedule. Possibly damaging? Must investigate further.

But what's step two, Jessica? What's step two?!
You know, I'm thinking I shouldn't bitch about the Starbucks strategy meetings anymore. At least they weren't in public. And there was pizza. And no line dancing.

Don't give them any ideas.

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